I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
