She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My cat gives me a boner
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
