my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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