dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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