Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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