So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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