oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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