yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
