i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
