Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Church boner. Awkwardddd
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
