Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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