You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How external is "for external use only"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize