I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
