Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize