She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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