they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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