I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish you could order shots online.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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