Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
