thus making me awesome and them whores
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
