Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
