Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
