EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
