i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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