I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
