I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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