Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
