my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you had me at cake vodka
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize