she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
