one might say we're banned from that church
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
