none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
