Just fell off a train. Bad.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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