Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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