We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.