Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
