just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME