final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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