GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Women Confess The Weirdest Things Men Wanted From Them
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid