oh god the rape fog is back!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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