the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.