Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize