Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
