Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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