sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
