she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
