He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
