just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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