why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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