Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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