why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
