He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
