When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
