we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
