onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
