the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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