I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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