is your mom at the bar?
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
