how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
