I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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