I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize