whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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