Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
