I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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