I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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